TA - seven months

April 23, 2005

An Open Letter to the Person with an Upset Stomach at the Salvador Dali Exhibit

Dear Person,

There's no doubting your stomach is upset as I walk toward "Muchacha de espaldas". I'm sorry it's upset, it smells painful, but did you have to eat first? Did your Madrid guidebook suggest that you sample the patatas bravas on the way to the Centro de Arte Reina Sofia? If it said to plug your ass on the way up the elevator, would you do it? If so, have you read the 2005 edition?

Person with an Upset Stomach at the Salvador Dali Exhibit, if you have the foresight to carry a guidebook, surely you have the decency to expel the rest of your gas in the hallway. It is a modern art museum, but Dali's work is surreal enough to satisfy all of my senses. Thanks anyway.

Regards,
Tevan Alexander
Visiting from Chapel Hill, NC
[Styled after McSweeney's Open Letters]

8 > post a comment

hey tevan,

i was planning on leaving a message, i don't know if i actually did though, but if i did, ignore this one.

i'm glad to see you're alive and well. keep posting!

bean

Anonymous
April 25, 2005 1:53 PM

hey bean,

I don't know what's up with my voicemail. it tells me I have two new messages, and when it plays them there's silence, and then it asks me if I want to hear the previous message, current message, or next message.

to make a boring story short, I'll have to play around with my voicemail when I have easier access to a phone to figure out how to scapegoat the phone company. thank you for the message. I'll assume it was lascivious.

tevan

tevan
April 25, 2005 6:11 PM

fart jokes.
always funny.
if i ever don't laugh, i will be disappointed in myself.

~meredith

Anonymous
April 26, 2005 5:01 PM

meredith,

and if you ever don't laugh, I will be disappointed in you.

tevan

tevan
April 27, 2005 3:58 AM

IM NOT LAUGHING, BITCHES.

xoxo
angela

ps i'm jking i laughed and futhermore i'm so glad to see that everyone in the world has gastrointestinal issues, not just americans and their lardy mcdonald's asses. JK!

Anonymous
April 29, 2005 6:53 PM

american tourists may be the only ones with gastrointestinal issues, marking their territory at modern art museums worldwide.

tevan
May 02, 2005 2:37 PM

guilty for checking repeatly for the next update... hope things are going great! mysha

mysha
May 03, 2005 3:30 PM

hey mysha,

things are going well. my e-mail reply rate has slowed to a crawl. haha, I originally wrote "crazy". my e-mail reply rate has slowed to a crazy. I hope you are well.

tevan

tevan
May 04, 2005 11:29 AM